Office Obstructions
by MasKaiHilFantic
Summary: By luck or fate, Kane gets elected as the Mayor of Knoxville, Tennessee. But the poor fellow's time in the office will be anything but peaceful.
1. Chapter 1

**Hello dear reader :) Machu's back with another wrestling fanfic. And this one has been fun to writ :D You must've gotten the gist from the summary about the story, believe me it's only the beginning XD Well I was planing to do a one-shot around it but because of school, some conflicts and general lethargy I decided to make it into a multi chapter fic (bangs head against desk fr not completing my other multi chapter fic, let aloe update it lol)**

 **So enough banter. Enjoy this funny fanfic around poor Kane xd and I don't own the WWE (so sad...)**

 **On with the fic!**

* * *

It was a special day at the Mayor's office with the Government workers buzzing around. The office was unusually busier that day as it was the inauguration of the new Mayor's period in office. So everyone wanted to make the best first impression to the newly elected Mayor and was in their best behavior.

All, except the Mayor himself…

Who happened to lose his pants…

"Where the fuck are they?!" A gravelly growl emanated from the Mayor's office as the _new Mayor_ paced back and forth around the room, in his suit and tie and his underpants, even his socks and shoes were on, but no pants. His patience was running thin and he was going into one of his demonic fits should his pants be not found sooner.

"Somebody took my fucking pants!" He bawled perturbed as his secretary walked in to his office.

"Is everything alrigh- KANE!" He let out aghast, as if he'd seen a ghost. Well, Kane was kind of a dead ringer to a bulky monster anyways.

"Daniel, somebody stole my fucking pants!" He reiterated, as he stood in front of his personal secretary Daniel Bryan, full frontal.

"Kane, where are your pants?" Daniel obviously questioned the obvious, to which he received a glower from the newly elected Mayor.

"That is what I'm trying to find out myself, you nitwit!" Kane replied smoldering.

"Where did you lose it?" Daniel asked bewildered.

"I just went to the bathroom a couple'a minutes ago, and when I came back, my pants were gone!" He explained his plight, which really made no sense to Bryan.

"Wait, so you went to the bathroom without your pants?" He asked bewildered. "Who does that?"

"Doesn't matter!" Kane immediately shot down the lingering question, "Somebody, help me find my pants!" He once again bawled for help, which prompted the Knoxville senator to summon himself, who just so happened to be Kane's former boss.

"What's all the hoopla about your pants?" He entered into Kane's office before literally yelping at the "hoopla" in-question.

"Where the _fuck_ are your pants, Kane?!" He bewilderedly asked, tying to construe the entire situation.

"Does it look like I'm the guy who hides his pants and likes his co-workers to find them?" He asked, peeved as he waved his arms in the air.

"Kane lost his pants while he went to the bathroom, _without them_." Daniel Bryan tried to explain the situation to him.

"Do you know where my pants are, Hunter?" Kane asked, or rather insisted.  
"How do I know?" Hunter (Triple H) replied shrugging. "Besides, you're the Mayor! You're supposed to be descent!" He lambasted the bulky Mayor, whose anger was now reaching its pinnacle, which was anything but that. Kane immediately marched out of his office and into the main lobby.

"I AM THE MAYOR OF KNOXVILLE, TENNESSEE! AND I DEMAND THAT YOU FIND MY PANTS! OR I'LL FIRE ALL OF YOU!" Kane finally let his steam out, and when he did, oh boy was a sight to witness – office workers, ministers, legal advisors, clerks, the cleaning crew, the receptionist as well as the rest of the staff saw Kane's demand for his petition for his pantaloon, whilst the Big Red Machine stood profoundly in his BVDs.

Instantly the men felt intimidated from the sinewy and bulky legs, which would definitely put on a hell of a lot of pressure if executing wrapped around someone. Whilst the descent distaffs and the debauched dames tried to avoid and peek at his "big red machine".

"WHERE ARE MY PANTS?!"  
"You idiotic son of a bitch," His ears picked up a distant drawl, "You left them in my office."

Kane turned sideways to see his elder brother; the Undertaker who came with Kane's lost Levi's.

"Oh, yeah. I forgot." Kane sheepishly, rubbing the back of his head. At that moment almost everyone in the room rolled their eyes.  
"You and your short-term memory." Taker sneered as he gave Kane his pants.

"Well it's not my fault, besides, I'm the Mayor and I have to deal with a lot of stress. And you know…"

"You know what?" The elder brother asked, crossing his arms around his chest.

"I tend to forget under pressure." Kane explained innocently, fiddling with his fingers.

"Just get back into your office Kane," Undertaker, the head of the police department instructed his younger brother, "You got a lot of paper work to do. I'll get some tea for you." He relieved him, almost instantly getting rid of Kane's former somber mood.

"Thanks, Taker." Kane nodded as he went into his office, leaving everyone else flummoxed at what had transpired.

"Uhh…" Daniel was especially left fathoming the situation.

"Just get back to work, please." Taker huffed before going elsewhere.

"Well that was weird." Daniel said under his breath.  
"Alright folks, you heard the man! Get back to work!" Triple H, ever the dictator relegated Taker's orders to the congregated crowd, which promptly obliged.

Soon things got back to normal and it was time for Kane to officially start his duties for the day, but since the beginning of the day was that embarrassing, it was a winning bet that the rest of the day also impended doom for the Demon Kane.

Doom involving damsels…

* * *

 **Well that was quite the ride X3 Chapter two's only going to get crazier XD I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I'll see you next time hopefully with the next stupidity fueled chapter lol**

 **Reviews pwease? :3**

 **~Machu**


	2. Chapter 2

**After much delay, it's here! The next chapter to this excitingly funny fanfiction :D A big thank you to xBalorbabex for the review :) Here's the next chapter to this story (I said that twice...I know x3)**

 **Enjoy~ ^^**

* * *

After the pants fiasco assuaged, Kane went to his day's duties. City Court had issued a law for the improvement of the parking system and needed the Mayor's approval for it. This law was issued before the recent elections, with the old mayor to approve it. However Kane toppled the elections with a rare landslide victory(more on that later) and therefore he was to approve the laws.

If only he was aware of it.

"Kane, for the last time; you're the new Mayor and you have to sign this legislature to approve it." Daniel insisted, but the big red machine wouldn't budge.

"The old mayor had signed it already!" He replied.

"No, Kane. He didn't." Daniel denied.

"But I can't sign it!"  
"Why?" Daniel asked, annoyed.

"I need his permission." Kane answered, obviously a silent reference towards his elder brother who was on the other side of the room, back against the wall, eyes closed and arms around his chest, unfazed.

"TAKER!" Daniel called towards the shadowy being, a little too loud unfortunately.

"What?" Undertaker shot a cold piercing stare right at Daniel Bryan, who swore he'd soiled his pants.

"Ka- Kane wants your permission to sign this paper." The bearded secretary replied, shaking in his shoes.

"Hm, Kane's old enough to pick up a pen and write his name." The deadman coldly farced.

"Hey!" Kane objected, cowering in his seat, "I don't need your opinion!"

"Oh you don't?" The Texan threatened his younger brother ever so eloquently. Kane gulped hard.

"Uh…" Kane shifted in his chair even more. The elder brother heaved out a sigh.  
"Fine," He replied, exasperated, "Go on and sign that dumb fucking document."  
"It's not a dumb fucking document!" Kane intruded, "It's a legislature to let the people of Knoxville pay less for their parking ticket, should they get one." Kane elaborated.

"Yes Kane, I heard all of that. Daniel here doesn't fiddle around, nor frolic with responsibilities." His brother commented with a slight smirk which left Kane smouldering.

However deep down Daniel was ecstatic at the elusive appraise.  
 _"He noticed me!"_ He squealed to no one in particular.

"This is to ensure that people who park near hospitals, religious buildings, commentaries and schools face no difficulties." Kane clarified the advantages of said law. He saw the slightest hint of satisfaction in his brother's features.  
"Hm, good," Undertaker replied, "Make sure you use this power wisely Kane. You might make a difference or two." He finished as he trailed out of the room, leaving the already dumbstruck Daniel and a beaming Kane be.

A pregnant silence filled the office. A gentle smile creased its way on Kane's face as he played around with his pen, the same pen that his brother gifted him on the day he won the elections, and Daniel was still daydreaming.  
"Hm, Daniel?" Kane addressed the dazed secretary.

"Uh yeah, yeah?" Daniel muttered, coming back to reality.

"You know what? He's right. We can make a difference." Kane proclaimed, as a proud yet subtle smile spread across his face.

"Yeah," Daniel agreed, "Knoxville could be the next American Dream."  
"Hm, yeah." Kane nodded, trailing off to the fantasy world of the future, where everything would hopefully be alright.

"I'll leave you to it then." Daniel said as he went out of the office, he allowed Kane some privacy to relish the moment just a bit. Maybe some people aren't corruptible after all.

* * *

"Okay Kane, let's make a difference," Kane determinedly said, "right after coffee."

"I heard coffee!" A thick Irish accent echoed as two gorgeous female maids entered the room, pushing a glistening silver tea trolley which was emblazoned with glitter-sprinkled flower patterns etched on its tray. On it was a beautiful pink tea set made from china. Traditional Japanese women in kimonos were engraved on the teapot serving each other. The cups were decorated with engravings of koi ponds. Such excellent crockery suited a man of class such as Kane. His veritable appreciation for fine art, especially crockery, had been a heavy influence on his entire professional life.

"Ah! Becky, Charlotte! What a coincidence." Kane addressed the two ladies, "I was just about to have a cup of coffee."  
"Of course you were." Charlotte Flair, the blonde North Carolinian commented with her signature smirk.

"Ah yes I was," Kane replied, a little surprised at forgetting the two young maidens who stood in front of him; Becky Lynch, the redheaded Irish and of course Charlotte, the daughter of former senator Ric Flair. Both fast, quick and witty. Dressed in the usual French Maid apparel, ahem, the _enticing_ attire seemingly had trailed the mayor somewhere else.

"As I was saying," Kane coughed, not letting his nerves get the better of him that time, "I'll have the usual: black coffee."  
"With due respect Mayor," Becky Lynch, the Irish began, "you should really kick back on the black coffee, you just had one earlier this morning."  
"When your brother was verbally lambasting you in the lobby earlier." Charlotte muttered under her breath.

"Hey, he's my elder brother. He can do whatever he wants." Kane answered, not realizing that the maids had also witnessed his pantaloon plight.

"And besides, coffee increases your blood pressure. You should go for something light." The blonde continued.

"Like tea!" The redhead cheerfully chimed in, holding up the aforementioned teapot.

"You two are going to make me drink tea today aren't you?" Kane asked resignedly.

"Mmhmm!" The devilish duo hummed back, holding the teapot together while nodding with pursed lips, like two high school girls.

Kane rolled his eyes as he sighed. He just couldn't say no to their beauty, their true beauty; their mischief. This liking of their teasing antics led him to drink tea, something that he hates; no, _abhors_. Oh well since they were insisting so much he decided to go with the flow.

Big mistake.

"Here you are." Becky said as she poured the tea into his cup. Kane's face immediately curled into a scowl as soon as he smelt the liquid. It smelt of crushed leaves that had been decomposing in the sun on a hot humid July morning. And the tea itself didn't look anywhere near appealing; small bits of pieces of what was identified as shrubs floated in the liquid. The colour of the tea itself was a murky muddy green. Like something out of a swamp.

Kane swallowed hard; definitely a big mistake.

"Um…weren't you supposed to serve me tea?" He asked, not being able to identify the content of the cup as tea.

"It is!" Becky replied, "It's green tea."  
" _Green_ tea?" Kane asked as his lips twisted around in agony.

"Yes Kane, _green_ tea." Charlotte affirmed ever so confidently. Hell, she said it like she drank the stuff like water. Not being a tea expert Kane had no idea that there would be such a thing as green tea. He'd tried tea twice in his life: traditional English tea and chai—the former had him vomiting over the carpet whilst the latter loosened his bowels.

Wonder what will this green concoction do to him? Turn him into the Hulk?

"Go on, try it!"  
With those foreseeable possibilities Kane downed the liquid bit by bit.

Bleh! Immediately his body rejected the foul fluid. His body wanted to eject this putridity out, by any means. His conscious denied; what the ladies would think, it said. They spent painstakingly hours preparing the tea just for you. Well, that was more or less a fry cry, but still it was the principle! He cursed himself at his inability to simply reject.

His outer covering, however, depicted like he'd just ingested liquid garbage. And his face told most of the story.  
"Are you a'right?" Becky asked, concerned for the mayor.

"I'm—fine." Kane gulped, taking in the foul tea.

"Are you sure?" Charlotte asked, sensing that the tea was a tad too green for the mayor.

"I'm all fine and dandy, thank you." Kane replied, pretending to be alright.

"How is the tea then?" Becky asked, completely avoiding the benefit of doubt Kane had given the two.

"Mmmph, tasty." Kane mouthed, as he prepared himself for another sip of the green poison when…

"Girls!" In rushed Chris Jericho, the manager of the office and the hotel where the mayor lives. He came in, looking almost breathless.

"What is it?" Becky asked.

"Somebody choked out on your black coffee in the lobby! Paramedics are tending to him, meanwhile the carpet needs cleaning; it's stained with coffee! Come quick!" Chris said and before even receiving an answer darted out of the office.

"Come on, Beck! Enjoy your tea Mr. Mayor." Charlotte said as the two ladies bowed to Kane and rushed out of the office quickly to tend the matters at hand. Kane was left with the tea trolley and his three-fourth filled teacup, trying to register whatever had just transpired.

Suddenly the realisation hit him; if he'd too taken the black coffee, he would be the one choking and vomiting out coffee. He thanked God as he stared at the only half empty tea cup. Well what he had to do, he had to do it. He looked over the tea platter to see if there was anything that he could add to his tea to alleviate the strong flavour of his tea a little bit. Something like...sugar!

"Yes!" Kane said to himself, elatedly. Sugar would definitely improve the taste of the tea, even if by a little. He picked up the small cup that was filled with white crystalline solid. It looked and smelt like sugar. Even though there was a small silver of doubt to his plan, he decided that the risk was worth it. He put some of the 'sugar' in the tea and mixed it up. He tasted the tea that time, and surprisingly it tasted much better compared to the last painful gulps. Feeling quite satisfied with himself he downed the entire tea. It wasn't the best idea; then again it wasn't as good as his usual black coffee or latte cappuccino.

* * *

Meanwhile back in the kitchen, another type of frenzy ensued.

"Where is it?!" A sound echoed amongst the clanging of cloches and saucepans.  
"Who's in there?" Boomed a raspy voice as the clamour in the kitchen got even louder.

The man who ran around the kitchen, AJ Styles—the sanitary in-charge of the office—popped his head from under a counter to see who was there. It was Shawn Michaels, th ehead cook, who couldn't help but hear the noise from afar.

"I left a bottle of absinthe here a minute ago, and it's gone!" AJ explained. Michaels shot a befuddled look at the male.

"And what prompted you to bring a bottle of liquor to work? No less leave it in _my_ kitchen?" He asked stoically.

AJ shrugged, "I was going to drink it after work. No biggie." Shawn rolled his eyes.

Then AJ spotted a green coloured liquid in a saucepan opposite to the counter he was on. He immediately charged towards it.  
"Seems as though you've found your drink."Michaels commented as he walked towards AJ. AJ took a sip of the liquid and immediately spat it out.  
"What is it?" Shawn asked as AJ wiped his mouth.

"It's green tea!"

* * *

Back at the Mayor's office, Kane had suddenly the most absurd inclination to play Shakira.

"Hips don't lie, da da du..."Kane sung along the song whilst he danced around the room. All went along smoothly until the liquor hit his head.

"Mommy...I'm gonna go and make a sandcastle, okay?"

All hell broke loose...

* * *

Back at the lobby Triple H continued to reprimand Charlotte and Becky for their mistake, whilst Taker and Daniel Bryan played spectators.

"How were we supposed to know the guy was allergic to coffee?!" Becky tried to explain her stubborn boss.

"It's your job to know that!" Hunter shot back.

"Who do we look like, the man's personal assistants or something?" Charlotte retorted; she had a point.

"Oh, God..." Triple H rubbed his forehead, "it doesn't mean that you just give everyone the same drink. There's a menu card for a reason." He answered; he definitely had a point.

"Enough." Undertaker intervened.

"Things like these happen at work, these accidents. We should expect mishaps like these to happen, and be prepared for it. That's how an organisation works." He continued, becoming the voice of reason. Daniel nodded.

"We can't blame one another for these things," then he turned to the girls, "even though some people should definitely take their responsibilities seriously." He hissed at them, the girls gulped hard.

"Hmph." Triple H grumbled cockily, and sure enough Taker turned to him. "And some people shouldn't base their authorities solely on blames." Now it was Hunter who swallowed hard whilst Becky and Charlotte wagged their fingers firmly with their smug smiles.

"Now, that's all cleared, I'll be seeing what the Mayor is up to." Daniel said as he headed towards the Mayor's office.

Sure enough, the Mayor showed up. And he was anything but formal.

"Kane!" Taker concerningly called his brother who was swaying sideways as he stepped through the lobby. One glance into his bloodshot eyes took to figure out Kane was intoxicated at work...again.

"Kane! Listen to me." Undertaker tried to turn the inebriated Monster's attention towards himself; it seemed the only possible solution to keep him distracted. He knew when drunk, Kane had an inclination to do the most eccentric of activities.

And playing around with children would easily end up on the top the list.

"Alright children, I want all of you to behave. We're in City Hall, and it's improper to..." The poor teacher was promptly interrupted.

"Look! It's the Mayor, Kane!" One of the children said.

"Whoa, he looks so big!" Another child chimed in.

"I heard he's the toughest in the WWE!" Said another youngster.

"He's so fat! I wanna piggyback ride him!" A very young child wished.

Kane of course heard children talking about him.

"Heya kiddos!" He excitedly greeted the younger ones, they all yelped at his exuberant greeting. But the next question definitely changed their minds.

"Wanna play?"

It was like coaxing an extremely horny person; it worked.

"Yes!" Came the equally eager answer from the lot.

"C'mon then! Let's goo!" Kane invited them over and the innocent lot rushed towards the Mayor and childplay was in full swing in Knoxville city hall.  
For the second time, the employees were behold to just exactly they were in store throughout the next term. Agog, aghast and astounded, they bore witness to Kane swinging around the children and playing 'Ring-a-ring-a-Rosies' in the lobby. No one was used to this, especially that poor middle school teacher.  
"Um, Mr. Senator?" Out of all the people she chose to ask, she asked Triple H.

"Oh, well um..." Hunter paused, _naturally_ before continuing, "the Mayor is quite fond of children, and also happens to be a big devotee of the 'exercise is ageless' lifestyle so...what better way to keep in shape and keep the kids happy." He weakly explained with an even faker smile.  
But the questions just came firing out.

"Doesn't he seem intoxicated?"

Oh boy...

He coughed, "Oh, he stayed up all night preparing and going over drafts, so he slept in late. But look at him! Sleepless and fatigued but still chose to give the children the time they'd never forget!"

Sure, sure.

"Oh I see. That's so nice of him." The teacher said, satisfied enough.

"Be sure to call whenever you come across anything that needs political advice." Hitting the iron while it was hot, Hunter presented her his card which she begrudgingly explained.

"Who likes the Teletubbies!" Kane asked the lot, of course a resounding 'yes' echoed back.

"Well, let's play!"

"Oh, no..." A low groan muffled in the crescendo of the theme of Teletubbies.

"I like it." Chris Jericho leaned besides the Undertaker, who had his face buried in his hand.

"Don't, push me." Taker curtly answered as a nervous Jericho backed off.

But the chorus was just around the corner;

"THE CHAMP IS..."

* * *

 **We all know who's coming :3 Let's just leave it here for now, shall we?**

 **Reviews please?**

 **~Machu ^W^**


End file.
